A tool for remembering to increase positives


I found an app called “Lasting.” It is not by the Gottman Institute, but they say it is research tested strategies. I haven’t paid for the app, but by creating an account and doing the assessment it let me use their reminders. So multiple times a day, the app reminds me to check in with my hubby with fondness, affection, gratitude, etc. So far even without paying for the best of the content, this app is having a positive impact on my marriage. Check it out.  

The importance of repair

“Even in relationships that are working well and in families that are working well, there’s a lot of mistakes that people make, and people sort of stumble through life together. And one of the most important things that psychologists have discovered about parenting and also about couples’ relationships is that the most important thing is repair, because everybody messes up in relationships. So... communication is not really about being perfect. It’s really about noticing that you’re not perfect—that you’re really messing up and trying to make it better... In very good relationships, people don’t communicate perfectly. They don’t say things the right way. They’re not really always in a good mood. They’re not really always emotionally available. But they can talk about it and they fix it.” (Source: presentation by Dr. John Gottman)

Vulnerability and repair

As I reflect on increasing the 5:1 ratio in my life, I find myself really drawn to Brené Brown's audiobook "The Power of Vulnerability" (on the iBooks store) because it is helping me to deal with the struggle of trying to increase positives and decrease negatives in my relationships while being real that I'm not perfect and I'm not going to do it perfectly.

Take the November 5:1 Ratio Challenge!

Research by The Gottman Institute shows that families thrive when there are 5 times more positives than negatives in our emotional bank accounts. Join me in taking the 5:1 ratio challenge to increase the number of positives in our relationships and to decrease the number of negatives.  What tools do we have in our toolboxes to do this? What are some things that you do that fill your family’s emotional bank accounts?

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