The real reason I have my own business. Hint: It’s about you AND me.
Nesting parties ask us to re-think the way that we celebrate new parents and challenge us to focus on what the expecting parents need. It’s really less of a party and more of an opportunity to provide the family help.
Unlike baby showers, “Nesting parties shift the focus from stuff to support to help families prepare their homes and hearts for life with a new baby,” explains Lara Elfstrand, the pediatric sleep practitioner of Little Elf Family Services.
When I think about songs that remind me of why I do what I do, one of the top songs that comes to mind is “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes. It’s an oldie but a goodie. :)
If you haven’t heard it in a while, click on the link above and give it a listen. Then come back and check out why this song is so important to me. And I bet that you’ll be singing along as you read, just like I am doing as I write!
This is a song about an almost-affair. The technology is of course outdated: personal ads in the newspaper. But the story is not at all outdated. The couple finds themselves bored of each other and starts to seek excitement elsewhere. They go searching for someone who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. They have stopped getting to know each other. They have stopped expressing their needs to each other. Their relationship has lost its spark, and they have stopped prioritizing each other. But they learn that they actually have more in common than they think. They reconnect. They go back to curiosity and adventure. And that’s what I am here for. I am here to help people to reconnect, to spark curiosity and plan to be spontaneous! Because when we look back on our lives, we are not going to wish that we worked more, but we might wish that we had prioritized our relationships more.
And it’s worth asking; why is a PARENTING coach also doing MARRIAGE coaching? Well, they say that you can measure the health of parents’ relationship by testing the stress hormones in their kids. The quality of our relationships influences our health and immune systems, and it influences our kids’ ability to function in school.
So if connection matters to you but you feel like you’re ready to answer a personal ad, or if you’re early in your relationship and don’t want to get to that point, let’s chat.
A couple of days ago, I created a “Welcome to Little Elf Family Services” video. I thought it turned out decently well, and I posted it. I watched part of the captions and changed the spelling of “mountain cur” but only realized after I had posted the automated captions that they misspelled my name.
My name is Lara. It isn’t Laura. It’s like the state in Venezuela, like Superman’s mother, like Lara Croft, or Lara in the movie Dr. Zhivago (which is where it really comes from, although I honestly don’t know the story all that well).
So that got me thinking about mistakes. Mistakes are hard. They are challenging. And the way that we handle them matters.
Parents often report that their kids lose it when they say “no”. There are a couple of responses that I have to that.
1) I suggest offering (usually 2) choices that are ok with you. You don’t necessarily need to say “no soda!” but instead you can say “Would you like milk or water?” Try to offer of as many choices as you can throughout the day, because sometimes “it’s my turn to pick.”
2) When we say no, it can be helpful to remember to be sad about it together. That can help to diffuse the anger in the situation and to help our kids know that we are on their side, even when it’s time to say “no.” (see Love and Logic for more information about this strategy.)
3) This is a time when we often hear our shark music. It can be helpful to notice when this is happening, so that we can choose how we respond rather than responding just from our fear.
4) This:
Welcome to Little Elf Family Services!
Welcome to Little Elf Family Services! I’m Lara Elfstrand. I am a parent coach, and I am here to help parents to feel connected, rested, and thriving. I have a master’s degree in early childhood special education (and a clear teaching credential), and I am endorsed as an infant family advanced transdisciplinary mental health practitioner. I love to learn, and I have experience and education in sleep from the Palm Institute, in relationships from the Gottman Institute, and in attachment from Circle of Security. If you would like to feel more connected, rested, and thriving in your family, click the button below to schedule a free chat.
I think it’s so important to take some time to celebrate. One of my many favorite quotes is that “Being acknowledged for her competence helped her become moreso (1).” And that is one of my personal goals with all of the families that I serve: to help them to acknowledge their competence. I love to have a final (or almost final) session that’s just 15-30 minutes long, where we just take the time to celebrate what’s working and what impact it is having.
For example, families might say,
“My child slept through the night. We are prioritizing the sleep schedule and the pre-sleep routine”
“More play time out in the sun is helping my child to be more ready to relax in the evening and to fall asleep more independently. We’ve found that he loves bouncing, and it’s helping him to get out his energy in a way that we can keep up with.”
“The kids are now sleeping in a room together rather than co-sleeping. My husband and I are sleeping better now that they are in their own room, and it is strengthening their bond as brothers. My older son is learning to be considerate and not wake up his brother too early to play. Everyone has better quality sleep at night, better behavior and moods.”
Another one of my favorite quotes: “The critical link between play and learning—the reason we repeat something and therefore learn from it—is pleasure (2).” And that is why celebration is so important. When we feel the pleasure and we state our learnings out loud, it helps us to repeat them.
Just wanted to share my favorite play dough recipe that I’ve used over the years. The recipe was given to me by a colleague years ago, and I love knowing exactly what’s in the play dough and being able to easily make more. If you’re careful with the temperature, you can get the kids to help make it!
Looking at the recipe now, if I thought my kid was going to eat it (because let’s face it, LOTS of kids do), I would experiment with using a better oil (like extra virgin olive oil or avocado oil) and natural food colorings (here’s a post about how to make your own).
One side note: fine motor activities such as play dough can be great activities for children to do to help them to be still long enough for them to fall asleep. There is always the potential that the dough could be messy. But like I say, the great thing about a homemade recipe is that you know exactly what’s in it, and it’s relatively easy to make more.
1 cup water
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
Half a cup of salt
1 tablespoon cream of tartar
Sauce pan
1 cup flour
1. Combine water, oil, salt, cream of tartar, and food coloring in a sauce pan and heat until warm.
2. Remove from heat and add flour.
3. Stir, Then knead until smooth. The cream of tartar makes this dough last six months or longer, so resist the temptation to omit this ingredient if you don't have it on hand.
4. Store this dough in an airtight container or a Ziploc freezer bag.
Most children and adults have to be laying still for about 10-30 minutes to start to enter Non-REM sleep. Learning to lay still can be very challenging for some children. They don’t know how to down-regulate to help their body to lay still for that amount of time.
Toddlers and older children need to be learning what they can do to help themselves get to sleep. Even adults tend to do a transitional activity for 10 minutes - reading or scrolling.
These are activities that can be included at the END of a consistent, soothing pre-sleep routine.
As a parent, we really want our kids to be ready for school. But what does that mean exactly? What does it look like for a child to be ready for school?
It’s easy to think that it means that they can identify their letters for reading or their numbers for math. But as a child development specialist, I actually don’t think that those things are all that important.
What are some key things that ACTUALLY have been shown to help children in school? Here are my 2 cents:
Today I am reflecting on the relationship between healthy eating and sleep. This morning, I was listening to the audiobook “The Sleep Prescription” by Aric A. Prather, Ph.D. I’ve been slowly working through his sleep “class” in HeadSpace and decided to listen to his audiobook as I work to improve sleep both for myself and for my clients. I’m just on day 2 at the moment, but this quote really struck me.
“Carb lovers, pay attention here: carbs are an interesting case. Studies have unearthed that while most carbohydrates will actually help you fall asleep faster, only certain types will help you stay asleep. Simple and sugary carbs (think pizza, white bread, bagels, pasta) can cause more wake ups throughout the night. In contrast, complex carbs (again, these are the more high-fiber foods like sweet potatoes, oatmeal, and whole grains) can stabilize your sleep patterns—possibly, Dr. St-Onge theorizes, because they also stabilize your blood sugar.[11]” Excerpt From The Sleep Prescription by Aric A. Prather, PhD https://books.apple.com/book/id1608147733 This material may be protected by copyright.
Lately I have discovered that my waking glucose levels are consistently in the pre-diabetic range. I have been using the Stelo non-prescription continuous glucose monitor and reading books like Good Energy by Dr. Casey Means and The Glucose Revolution by Jessie Inchaupé. And my sister-in-law gave me an extra Oura ring, which connects with the Stelo to give insights between glucose and other biomarkers! (Such an amazing gift… although I warn that there is an ongoing fee to use the Oura ring in addition to the up-front cost of the ring itself but also I think it’s totally worth it!).
I am learning to use the Glucose Goddess hacks to reduce glucose spikes. The other day I was looking for an audiobook to read and found The Glucose Goddess Method book, and I am starting on week 1 (savory breakfasts).
Last night I had “breakfast ice cream” (a recipe from The Glucose Goddess Method savory breakfast chapter) before bed with cherries, and I also added another layer of darkness by wearing a hoodie over my head in addition to my usual eye mask headphones. And for once I slept through until 5:15 AM when the sun came up!
I learned from an Oura article that tart cherries are a natural source of tryptophan and melatonin—two compounds that support sleep. It’s a helpful guide to foods and drinks that may promote better rest. That said, many of the items on the list (like juice or bananas) can also spike blood sugar, which—as we've seen—can work against healthy sleep. What I loved about my bedtime snack last night is that it combined the “foods to eat before bed” with blood sugar-balancing strategies: tart cherries, full-fat yogurt, and a spoonful of nut butter. It was tasty and stabilizing. I’m not sure if it was the snack or the extra hoodie I pulled over my eyes (on top of my eye mask headphones!) that made the difference, but I actually slept through the night until 5:15 AM (which is sadly rare for me). My blood sugar barely moved, and my fasting glucose this morning was just a little closer to “normal.”
But the Glucose Goddess Method is written for adults. How would you adapt it for kids? (Keeping in mind that I speak from the perspective of an “awesome differentiating behavior-changing ninja” rather than as a medical provider and offer this as “how to make this work for us” rather than “Is this right for us?” which is a question for your doctor!)
The Glucose Goddess Method is a 4-week plan for reducing glucose spikes. I love the fact that the approach is about ADDING strategies, not REMOVING or blaming poor food choices. So in week 1, we focus on eating a savory breakfast that is based on protein and fat and fiber (veggies). In week 2, she suggests focusing on having one tablespoon per day of vinegar. In week 3, she suggests adding a vegetable starter to one meal a day. Week 4 is all about moving our bodies for 10 minutes within 90 minutes of eating at least once per day.
I’m in week 1 and focusing on savory breakfasts at the moment. I’ll keep you posted on what I learn along the way.
If your kid likes eggs, that helps of course. But she also has several recipes for using full fat plain yogurt, adding an extra protein source (and not adding any sugar) with some fruit. If this is too big of a jump for you or your kid right now, how could you REDUCE the added sugar one little bit at a time?
In week 2 we reduce glucose spikes by including 1 tablespoon of vinegar in our day. Let’s be real here. That might be harder to get a kid to accept. I’m looking forward to trying out some of the recipes to see what might be more kid friendly. I know that in Healthy Kids, Happy Kids, Dr. Song suggests adding small amounts of sauerkraut juice into ketchup to help get used to the taste, and that certainly has helped me recently. And of course, every kid is going to react differently.
Here I would suggest taking a look at what veggies your kids will eat and work from there. If the answer is “none”, then it’s time to start experimenting and modeling. You could try some recipes from The Glucose Goddess Method or from something like Elizabeth Pantley’s No-Cry Picky Eater Solution. The Ellyn Satter Institute has some great materials on feeding responsibilities that review what you are responsible for as a parent in a feeding situation. Can you MAKE a kid eat? No. But you can offer. You can be thoughtful. You can make mealtimes enjoyable.
When it comes to exercise after a meal, MAYBE we can force our kids to walk with us. (But honestly right now when it’s too hot for an outdoor walk, my dog Charlie is seriously not happy with me when I walk in place. We need to find a compromise here!). But what I’ve noticed in working with kids and families over the years is that what works the best in the long term is for the ADULTS to model the behavior and INVITE kids to join us without any pressure. If kids see us doing it and they see that we are enjoying it and feeling better, that can spread.
With all of these strategies, whether it’s savory breakfasts, vinegar, a veggie starter, or moving after meals, our focus needs to be on MODELING the behavior that we want our kid to catch. Then we want to break our goals into small, manageable pieces and celebrate the small wins with no judgment or punishment — for ourselves or our family members.
So where do we go from here? Your mission is to improve sleep for yourself and your family by making healthy eating contagious and reducing glucose spikes, noticing how it changes YOUR mood and what works for making it contagious. Take it at your own pace. Do you want to do one Glucose Goddess hack a week? Great! Do you need two or three weeks? Do it! Any lessons learned that you want to share? Let me know!
When should new moms should start pelvic floor exercises? When should they start walking? How can new birthing parents find a balance between "not too much too soon" and "not too little either"? When can they resume high impact exercises like running? What are signs that new moms should pay attention to after birth, which may indicate they need to scale back their activity level?
This is a handout that I reference a lot both to generate ideas for myself and for my clients. I use it both for breaks and for celebrations! Which one are you going to do next?
Sometimes just STARTING the bedtime routine can be a real struggle. All the time, I remind parents that “Stress that builds resilience is predictable, controllable, and moderate” (with thanks to Dr. Bruce Perry for the quote). So let’s explore some ways that we can help the bedtime routine to be predictable, controllable, and moderate. We’re going to work backwards and start with “moderate.”
Routines have been a fundamental part of my life since I got married (25 years ago!) and especially during times when I’ve had a young child and/or a dog at home (the last 16+ years). Here are some of my favorite sources of my favorite routines. The challenging part is to not try to do them all at once! Pick one or two to start with! Break things into small pieces, and if you need some support, read out to me and let’s chat!
Remember DEER:
Drink water
Eat something nutritious
Exercise
Rest
DEER: Drink water, Eat something nutritious, Exercise, and Rest. I learned this acronym from GriefShare, and I use it pretty much all the time. I ask my body: Body, what do you need next? Do you need some water, food, movement, or rest? Then I read Healthy Kids, Happy Kids by Dr. Elisa Song, and she calls it the “5 Things Challenge” for gut health. Part II of the book is: Create microbiome magic with the 5 things your child does every day: hydrate, nourish (what we eat or don’t eat), move, breathe, and prioritize sleep. Can you see how these 5 things are exactly the same 5 things as DEER? Rest is just broken down into two pieces: breathing and prioritizing sleep!
Once the DEER basics are in place, I would take a look at relationship routines. For that I would go to the Gottman Institute for the 6 hours a week to a better relationship. While 6 hours seems like a lot, many of them are things that take less than 10 minutes a day, and truthfully you are probably doing many of them without even realizing it. For example, we can create routines for kissing hello and goodbye to our partner or for giving long hugs to our kids. We can create routines for physical affection, for the “how was your day?” conversation, and for expressing appreciation and fondness to one another. The key is to turn them from unconscious and inconsistent to conscious and growing in consistency.
To me, routines are important because they help us to break tasks into smaller pieces and reduce overwhelm. One of the first ways that I learned to do this is with FlyLady.net way back as a newlywed. She says “I can do anything for 15 minutes!” I tend to say “I can do anything for 3 minutes!” but the concept is the same. Her work was influential for me to learn to reduce perfectionism and all or nothing thinking and to do one baby step at a time.
At Little Elf Family Services, I believe that parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. Families thrive when they feel supported, equipped, and empowered, and my work is designed to help parents move from exhaustion and frustration to confidence and joy.
As a sleep consultant, marriage and parenting coach, and early childhood special educator, I blend evidence-based strategies with compassionate support. My approach draws from experts like John & Julie Gottman, Bruce Perry, Stewart Brown, Brené Brown, and Dan Siegel, helping families find solutions that align with their values and unique needs.
Parenting can feel overwhelming, but struggle and confrontation don’t have to be the norm. Clients often express relief when they realize they don’t have to panic over each new challenge. Instead, they learn to approach problems with a steady, thoughtful perspective, making small shifts that create lasting positive change.
“We knew we didn't need to panic when facing a new problem as you would be there, guiding us.”
“We’re also constantly amazed by how your parenting philosophy has minimized confrontation and struggle, and allowed us to focus on the happy and joyful moments that our child brings us.”
I provide resources, guidance, and encouragement—but the real magic happens when families take those tools and make them their own. My work isn’t about fixing families; it’s about helping them find their own strengths and rhythm.
"She won’t do the work for you—but she will give you resources, tools, and support to do it yourself. And she will be cheering you on every step of the way.”
From gentle start-up conversations (a Gottman-based approach that reduces conflict) to completing stress cycles (so parents don’t carry frustration day after day), my work is rooted in strategies that make a real difference. Laughter, connection, and small, consistent changes help families shift from surviving to thriving.
"We are better parents, a better couple, and better people for knowing her and having worked with her."
Whether you’re navigating infant sleep, toddler emotions, or the ups and downs of parenting, my goal is to help you feel rested, connected, and confident—so you can focus on what truly matters: the joyful moments in family life.
**This post was created by ChatGPT to summarize my work and includes real testimonials from real people that I have served. I love it and it fits me beautifully, so I am sharing it here.
Resources:
©Lara Elfstrand, MA ECSE, IF-ATMHP - Little Elf Family Services, P.O. Box 5098, Auburn, CA 95604
