What Does It Really Mean for Kids to Be Ready for School?
As a parent, we really want our kids to be ready for school. But what does that mean exactly? What does it look like for a child to be ready for school?
It’s easy to think that it means that they can identify their letters for reading or their numbers for math. But as a child development specialist, I actually don’t think that those things are all that important.
What are some key things that ACTUALLY have been shown to help children in school? Here are my 2 cents:
The Foundation Kids Need
A calm environment where their parents have each others’ backs (whether together or separate)
Co-regulation skills & social skills to function in a group
Parents who talk to them
Added bonus: rhyming!
More Important Than Letters: A Calm Environment Where We Have Each Other’s Backs
Did you know that the quality of our relationships impacts our children’s school readiness? Researchers test the quality of a marriage by testing the cortisol (stress) levels in a child’s urine. This can be a challenge! All the time I go back to the serenity prayer, which (paraphrased) says:
Give me peace to accept the things I can’t change,
courage to change the things I can, and
wisdom to know the difference.
You can’t necessarily change your partner’s behavior. But you can do things like learning the behaviors that predict relationship meltdown and their antidotes. You can learn skills to be a stronger team as partners and/or co-parents. You can learn the 6 hours a week to a better relationship and take small steps to put them into practice. These are evidence based practices that have made a HUGE difference in my own marriage, and they can help your child to be more ready for school by spreading calm. And what if you’re in the middle of an ugly divorce? Again, what are the things we can influence? Just focusing on increasing feel-good hormones in your home can be helpful! If you need help with any of this,
More Important Than Letters: Functioning in a Group
Far more important than being able to identify letters of the alphabet is being able to function in a group setting.
Co-Regulation
Children need to learn skills like co-regulation. For example:
If you take some deep, calming breaths, can your child copy you?
Does your child have skills to be able to calm themselves—first with your help and over time more independently?
Social Problem-Solving
To function in a group of other children, kids need practice in:
Stopping and taking a deep breath
Identifying the problem
Naming their feelings and the possible feelings of others
Brainstorming possible solutions
Picking one solution—and trying again if it doesn’t work
They also need to practice:
Asking for a turn
Giving a turn to other children
They will do all of these things imperfectly and make a zillion mistakes along the way, and that’s OK. But in terms of where to put our focus… social skills are going to get them a lot farther than letter identification.
Thriving in the Basics of Life
Children in school need to be thriving in their daily routines:
Drinking plenty of water or herbal teas
Eating nutritious foods (unprocessed, with a variety of fruits, vegetables, and protein)
Moving their bodies so they are tired in a healthy way
Getting plenty of sunshine
Why Talking Matters More Than Spelling
Instead of focusing on spelling, it’s important to focus on talking to your children about their experiences and the things that they are interested in.
One book that has been formative for me is Thirty Million Words: Building a Child’s Brain—Tune In, Talk More, Take Turns.
What I took away from the book is that children who succeed in school are those whose parents talk to them a lot and therefore have a strong vocabulary.
Every child is going to learn vocabulary at a different pace. We can’t necessarily control the pace, but we can:
Talk to our kids about their interests
Read to them about things they are curious about
Give context to words so they learn what they mean
What About Milestones?
Certain milestones are helpful. The most important thing to me is that if milestones are not being met, we seek help so we can learn how to set up the environment for more success.
Some of my favorite resources to understand children’s milestones include:
16 gestures by 16 months
CDC milestones
Favorite Books for Kindergarten Readiness
If you really want to support your child to be ready for kindergarten, here are some of my favorite books:
Brain Rules and Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina
Baby Minds by Linda Acredolo & Susan Goodwyn
Bonus: Rhyming
More than identifying the names of the letters, children are going to have to understand that the letters stand for sounds. Rhyming is a great way to do this. You can make word games and pick a sound of the day, such as “words that end in -at” and look for words like hat and cat and sat.
Final thoughts
Life is hard and messy, and things are just not going to be perfect. And sometimes a listening ear and a few well chosen tools can make a HUGE difference. So if there are things in here that you’d like some support with,
References
Acredolo, Linda, and Susan Goodwyn. Baby Minds. Bantam, 7 Sept. 2011.
Medina, John. Brain Rules. Updated and Expanded ed., Pear Press.
Suskind, Dana, et al. Thirty Million Words : Building a Child’s Brain : Tune In, Talk More, Take Turns. New York, New York, Dutton, 2015.
