Progressive muscle relaxation isn’t just for adults—it can be a playful and powerful way to help kids manage stress, too. By turning relaxation into games—like blowing bubbles with slow breaths, dancing like stiff robots and floppy noodles, or squeezing toes in the mud—we can teach children how to notice the difference between tension and calm. The best part? When parents join in, kids don’t just learn the skill—they feel the calm spread through the whole family.
Today I am reflecting on the relationship between healthy eating and sleep. This morning, I was listening to the audiobook “The Sleep Prescription” by Aric A. Prather, Ph.D. I’ve been slowly working through his sleep “class” in HeadSpace and decided to listen to his audiobook as I work to improve sleep both for myself and for my clients. I’m just on day 2 at the moment, but this quote really struck me.
“Carb lovers, pay attention here: carbs are an interesting case. Studies have unearthed that while most carbohydrates will actually help you fall asleep faster, only certain types will help you stay asleep. Simple and sugary carbs (think pizza, white bread, bagels, pasta) can cause more wake ups throughout the night. In contrast, complex carbs (again, these are the more high-fiber foods like sweet potatoes, oatmeal, and whole grains) can stabilize your sleep patterns—possibly, Dr. St-Onge theorizes, because they also stabilize your blood sugar.[11]” Excerpt From The Sleep Prescription by Aric A. Prather, PhD https://books.apple.com/book/id1608147733 This material may be protected by copyright.
Lately I have discovered that my waking glucose levels are consistently in the pre-diabetic range. I have been using the Stelo non-prescription continuous glucose monitor and reading books like Good Energy by Dr. Casey Means and The Glucose Revolution by Jessie Inchaupé. And my sister-in-law gave me an extra Oura ring, which connects with the Stelo to give insights between glucose and other biomarkers! (Such an amazing gift… although I warn that there is an ongoing fee to use the Oura ring in addition to the up-front cost of the ring itself but also I think it’s totally worth it!).
The real reason I have my own business. Hint: It’s about you AND me.
Nesting parties ask us to re-think the way that we celebrate new parents and challenge us to focus on what the expecting parents need. It’s really less of a party and more of an opportunity to provide the family help.
Unlike baby showers, “Nesting parties shift the focus from stuff to support to help families prepare their homes and hearts for life with a new baby,” explains Lara Elfstrand, the pediatric sleep practitioner of Little Elf Family Services.
Many of the children that I serve seem like they are not getting enough total hours of sleep in a day for their age. And while I certainly understand that different children MAY have different sleep needs, I also think it’s worth giving kids the OPPORTUNITY to get more sleep and see how their body responds. Here are two methods (from Elizabeth Pantley’s No-Cry Sleep Solutions for Babies through Preschoolers) for finding your child’s ideal bedtime.
In this 10 minute video, I share some of the impacts that teaching the Gottman Bringing Baby Home program (which is the basis for the upcoming Still Us Valentine’s Retreat) has had on our family. Our family has experienced reduced friction, tension, and arguing through rituals of connection, such as:
Morning dances
A 2-person journal
Family meetings
In Gottman programs, partners create routines and rituals together through mutual agreement and respect rather than one partner deciding unilaterally. Regular family meetings serve as a container for discussing both needs and shared dreams.
In our own relationship, we have experienced the difference of adding a family member without the Gottman tools, and later WITH Gottman tools. When our first child was born, we lacked preparation and coping tools, and we really struggled. In contrast, when we adopted our “second child” (a rescue dog named Charlie), we still experienced some mood challenges, but we had established practices and check-in systems that helped us navigate the adjustment period more successfully.
Having a plan and structured communication practices before major life transitions like parenthood can help couples stay connected and weather challenges together. So join us at the upcoming Valentine’s Retreat! It will be live in person in Orangevale, CA.
(Video from a coaching call between somatics coach Stasia Savasuk and Lara Elfstrand, founder of Little Elf Family Services).
You’ve heard it before: put your oxygen mask on first.
It can sound trite… until you’re the one running on empty.
The oxygen mask metaphor exists for a reason.
When parents’ needs are ignored, everything feels harder. When parents are supported, life feels more breathable. This retreat is designed to help you feel seen, cared for, and resourced so you can return home steadier and more connected. Come experience what it’s like when your needs are part of the plan.
The Still Us Valentine’s Retreat is an invitation to pause, breathe, and remember that your needs aren’t extra. They’re essential. Come feel what it’s like to be held, guided, and reminded that you matter.
(Video from a coaching session between somatics coach Stasia Savasuk and Lara Elfstrand)
Ten years into teaching the Gottman Bringing Baby Home® program, and this part still amazes me.
The couples who practice these skills don’t just communicate better. They build routines that make their homes feel warmer, calmer, and more supportive. Not perfect. Not rigid. Just steady enough to hold real life.
That’s exactly what we’ll be exploring at the Still Us Valentine’s Retreat. A space for couples with babies, diapers, and night wakings to reconnect, reset, and remember that your relationship matters too.
If you want tools that last long after the chocolate is gone, this retreat was made for you. ❤️
An excerpt from a recent coaching call between Lara Elfstrand, founder of Little Elf Family Services, and Stasia Savasuk, somatics coach.
A moment from my recent coaching call with my somatics coach, Stasia Savasuk
We’re building something soft and strong here.
A space where you laugh, reconnect, and leave with routines that actually fit real life.
If you’ve been craving warmth, connection, and tools you’ll still be using months from now…
This is your nudge. 💛
Come join us. We saved you a seat.
💛 Still Us: A Valentine’s Retreat for Couples with Diapers & Night Wakings 💛
(also known as: Our Needs Matter)
When you have young kids, it’s so easy for everything to revolve around them.
They’re wonderful. They’re needy. And somewhere along the way… you get lost.
This retreat is a pause button.
A chance to remember that your relationship matters too.
✨ Time to talk about what you want for your family
✨ Simple, doable routines that bring warmth back into daily life
✨ Tools for handling conflict with more care and less wear-and-tear
✨ Tiny rituals that add up: kisses hello and goodbye, a daily dance, intentional touch
✨ A shared vision, so it’s not all on one partner
You don’t have to be struggling to come.
You can be doing really well and still want more connection, more ease, more “we’ve got each other.”
When parents feel supported by each other, kids feel it too.
This is about building a relationship that becomes a place of rest in a noisy, demanding world.
If your nervous system feels… tired 😮💨
This space is for you.
I’d love to see you there. 💛
Limited scholarships are available. Babies in arms are welcome to attend.
Teamwork, Not Turfwars: Understanding Gatekeeping in Parenting
Celebrating Joy and Connection: A Father-Son Moment to Make You Smile
One of My Why’s: The Piña Colada Song
Imagine a World Focused on Strengths, Playful Learning, and Empowered Parents
The #1 Secret to Healthy Relationships
Guiding Families toward Rest, Connection, and Joy
This video is also available on social media:
- on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/1394469478/videos/897194853260062/
- on Instagram @chica.and.charlie at https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTyOfZckiYY/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
The world feels heavy. Here’s how parenting becomes an act of hope.
When the world feels loud, heavy, and overwhelming, I remind myself of this:
The work that matters most is often small, slow, and close to home.
Raising children who know how to pause, repair, take turns, express needs, and stay curious is not separate from creating a more just and humane world. It’s part of it.
This February, I’m offering a Valentine’s retreat for families in pregnancy, postpartum, or with children up to age 5 in the greater Sacramento area.
We’ll focus on how to model respect, regulation, playfulness, and connection so our kids can grow up being light in complicated times.
Raising grounded, compassionate kids is not a small thing. It’s world-shaping work.
If this resonates, I’d love to have you with us. 🤍
This 2025 client wins video highlights real progress families made this year. Small steps, big shifts, and moments worth celebrating. “Celebration” was one of my words of the year this past year, and this post is about pausing to acknowledge what worked for families and how hard my families have worked. These are families with children of ALL abilities. Let’s celebrate our wins!
Celebrate was one of my words of the year for 2025, so I am stopping to celebrate personal and client wins for the year. - Lara Elfstrand, Certified Pediatric Sleep Interventionist and Parent Coach
Sometimes, the smallest moments—a deep breath, a hand on a forehead, a quiet pause—can create the biggest shifts. A mom I recently worked with had one of those moments, and with her permission, I want to share the story with you.
When we first met, this sweet boy spent the entire hour crying and screaming and whining, and sounding generally extremely overtired.
When the visit opened and I asked about wins, this sweet mom said that she didn’t think that it was going to work to breathe together, but that the other day when he was frustrated and tired, she took deep breaths and he fell asleep. As we were talking, we realized that he was showing some drowsy cues. It was getting a little bit late for a nap, but we figured that he could at least get in an hour without interrupting nighttime sleep. He was watching a show while we were talking. I asked what she would do if I wasn’t there, and she said that he gets really frustrated if she tries to put him down for a nap in the afternoons.
A lovey—sometimes called a comfort object—is more than just a cute stuffed animal or soft blanket. It’s a bridge between your child’s need for comfort and their growing ability to self-soothe. When introduced thoughtfully, a lovey can help your baby or toddler feel calm, connected, and ready for sleep.
Here’s how to make that introduction with care and intention.
Daylight Savings Time. Ugh, it is a struggle sometimes. I’ve been noticing that my body is struggling to sleep until my intended wake time. My Oura Ring has helped me figure out that my body does best when I sleep from 10:30 PM to 6:30 AM. Before the time change, I was often waking up between 5:30 and 6 AM and then doing a 30 minute hypnosis or two so that I could still get good rest (and heal my nervous system) until it was time to get up. But now that the clocks have changed, my body seems to think that I should wake between 4:30-5 AM because that’s the time it’s used to getting up. I’ve had parents telling me that their kids are waking earlier this week too! Oura put a post on their blog that I thought was super interesting about the impact of daylight savings time on sleep. I am taking what I learned and taking some proactive steps for the spring, and I thought I would pass them along.
My rings say “My needs matter” and “It’s safe to go slow”
I am a learner. And what that means to me is that I am always in the process of growing, making mistakes, learning from them, and growing some more.
One of the ways that I support myself in that is that I love to have jewelry that reminds me of what I’m working on. Lately I’ve been making rings. Right now I have a ring that says “My needs matter” and another one that says “It’s safe to go slow.” I have another one arriving today that says “Slow supported noticing” because that’s what I worked on with my somatics coach this week. I have bracelets that say “Water your hormones” and “That felt… Could you rephrase that?” to use in situations where someone offended me or hurt my feelings. I also have one that says the Serenity Prayer: “Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
If you’re interested in trying my jewelry reminder strategy: Here are the rings I’ve been using. I’ve also made some of these bracelets. I find that the rings are harder for my eyes to see as I get older, but even just looking at them reminds me of what they say. Also I try to look carefully at the font choices so that I can see what might be more legible. I find the bracelets easier to read but harder to deal with them being around my wrist while I’m typing. You can fit more on a bracelet, and I've used ChatGPT to try to find phrasing that resonates with the smallest amount of characters. In order to start making rings, first I bought myself one of these ring sizers. Let me know if you decide to try it!
My name isn’t Laura: what mistakes can teach us
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that we have adopted a rescue dog, Charlie, who often has had anxious behaviors. For a long time now, I’ve been wanting to write a blog post about what one of our dog trainers called “the Mr. Rogers hack.” She suggested that we talk to Charlie about scary things by using simple language to talk honestly about what is happening, imitating the style of Mr. Rogers.
It seems particularly appropriate to write this post on Halloween, because one example of this hack is that in 1975, Mr. Rogers invited Margaret Hamilton (who played the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz) to his show so that she could show children her costume.
As I was thinking about the Mr. Rogers hack and about Halloween, I asked Google: explain scary things in the style of Mr. Rogers. I found the answer helpful:
————
To explain scary things in the style of Mr. Rogers, the approach involves gentle honesty, affirmation of feelings, and focusing on helpfulness and safety. He understood that children's fantasies could be far worse than reality, so his goal was to provide clear, simple, and reassuring explanations to prevent confusion and fear.
Here is how he would likely explain three common fears:
I feel like this is one of the first times that I could actually see the results of exercise on my glucose IN REAL TIME. The Glucose Goddess says that saying we don’t have to pay attention to our glucose because we don’t have diabetes is like saying we don’t have to brush our teeth because we don’t have cavities.
Well, for me the cookies at Harris Ranch Resort are like cryptonite. They load my body with glucose but taste SO GOOD. We got to the hotel just before 4 pm yesterday, and I ate 2 of them. Then I figured that I would put the glucose hacks to the test.
I went for a walk to see if I could reduce the spike. My glucose was going up but only slightly. The dots stayed close together. Then my phone got down to 1% battery and I stopped to charge. My blood sugar started to go up at a faster pace with the dots getting farther apart. Then when I had a bit of charge to listen to my podcast, I resumed walking. My blood sugar went back down. I stopped walking and it did a bit of a rebound.
I am fascinated and inspired. I mean, it seemed to make a significant difference. Two cookies is clearly going to cause some kind of a roller coaster, but walking is easy and enjoyable and it clearly made a difference.
I’m planning to do the experiment again in a few days when we stay here again on the way home, but with a fully charged phone and just walk for an hour or so straight after eating the cookie(s) to see what happens. Check out the screenshot from my Stelo glucose monitor.
After eating the cookies, I walked for an hour and 5 minutes for a total of 2.12 miles. Here is the chart from my glucose monitor (with my notes):
What I notice is that after I ate the cookies, my blood sugar started to spike (the dots were farther apart). When I started walking, my blood sugar went up much more slowly (the dots were closer together). I walked for an hour and 5 minutes. That was long enough for my blood sugar to actually start going down. When I stopped walking, it started to go up again but more slowly this time. Then I ate a healthy dinner with eggs, veggies, beans, and black rice. Not sure what my blood sugar would have done if I hadn’t had dinner then, but the dots seemed to get closer together (maybe because of the fiber and protein?).
Why What You Eat Could Be Waking You Up at Night (the impact of glucose on sleep)
These last few weeks have been tough. I’ve gotten TOO MUCH ADVICE from people who meant well, but my body interpreted it as criticism and shame. It’s been impacting my mental health and my sleep. And then my neighbors had a party and I sat on the porch swing and cried because having company over has been too much for Charlie and I so LONG to have friends and family members over.
And I know that when I get anxious, Charlie gets MORE anxious. When I cry, he hides behind the couch. Ouch. This is only making things worse.
So what have I done since then?
I have watched my nutrition, focusing on eating more whole foods and less processed foods.
I have protected my sleep schedule, using a lot of HeadSpace sleepcasts, letting my body know that I will do my best to listen to my body during the daytime and using sleep casts to at least get some deep rest during the night. I know that they don’t work for everyone, but for me the Indigo Gallery on HeadSpace at least helps me to relax deeply and usually at least sleep for a little bit.
I have joined Therapy in a Nutshell monthly membership, and I am working on ways to bring myself back to the present moment when I feel overwhelmed.
I’ve been doing a hypnosis in Joseph Clough’s “Hypnosis” app called “go easy on yourself.”
I scheduled time with my somatics coach, Stasia Savasuk. She helped me to start to be able to express myself and to hear my voice, to express my boundaries, and to see the gratitude for what’s actually working. I am hoping that by eating less processed foods, I will have money for more coaching with Stasia, and I know that that usually helps me considerably.
I was reminded this week of a strategy that I haven’t used much, but I am going to focus on this week with Charlie. It’s a strategy that can be used to celebrate your child’s accomplishments, or to point out the impact of their inappropriate behavior. I like to say that where we put our focus is what we get more of. So one of the best strategies to reduce a behavior is to be really aware of what behavior we want instead and then be sure to acknowledge all the little tiny baby steps along the way to that behavior.
The strategy I’m focusing on this week is called “gossiping” (from Dr. Harvey Karp in his books Happiest Toddler on the Block and The Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep. You can watch a video about it here.)
Melatonin is a hormone that helps us to fall asleep faster, and has many health benefits.
Whenever possible, we want to support our bodies to make melatonin rather than taking it in the form of a supplement. Because melatonin is a hormone, children should not take it without a doctor’s approval.
It is not suggested for children to take a melatonin supplement for long-term use, but (if it works for your child) it can be helpful to use it for the first 2-3 nights of sleep training to help your child to fall asleep a bit easier. (Ask for details on that if it would be helpful for you).
Learn how to naturally support your body’s melatonin production for better sleep. From daylight exposure to melatonin-rich foods and evening routines, discover safe strategies for adults and children to fall asleep faster and improve sleep quality.
I’ve been working on improving my routines (as always) and this is an acronym that I created along the way. I encourage you to try a BOWEM break as soon as you can once you wake up and also a few times a day to help your body to recover from the stressors of the day. Here’s what it stands for:
Breathing (right now “box breathing” is working well for me, but you can experiment)
Outside
With Water
Eat a high fiber, high protein snack or meal
Then Move your body (something like a walk or a short mobility challenge or squats or something simple)
What’s the goal of the BOWEM routine? To improve (increase) our heart rate variability, tell our cells what time it is, lubricate our joints and keep our blood sugar steady. And this is not written in stone, so adapt it to fit your life. For example, this morning when I woke up, I opened the window and sat in front of the window to do my breathing and drink my water. I had half a protein bar. (Is it processed? I would say yes. But I picked one with no added seed oils and no added sugars, and I’ll follow it up with beans and protein after the dog walk.) I did my mobility workout and then got on the elliptical. For me, Charlie does not like the elliptical so I have to do it while he is still in his crate. If I go outside too early, I lose my chance to get on the elliptical. Charlie and I went outside together as soon as I was ready to get him up. So it’s not perfect, because life isn’t perfect. But it’s a good acronym to aim for a BOWEM break whenever you can to help your body to function at its best. Now, it’s time for my beans and protein and vegetables.
Read this article in Spanish - Leer este artículo en español
Tense, Release, Repeat: A Playful Guide to Kids’ Relaxation
Why What You Eat Could Be Waking You Up at Night
Tired and stressed? These simple habits will change your life
Resources:
©Lara Elfstrand, MA ECSE, IF-ATMHP, CPSI - Little Elf Family Services, P.O. Box 5098, Auburn, CA 95604
