As adults, many conflicts begin when our needs go unmet. Maybe we express our need when our partner is busy doing something else. Or perhaps we feel scared that our partner won't be willing or able to meet our need, so we don't express it or we use hints to "test the waters." A key strategy of the Gottman Bringing Baby Home program is to express our needs clearly and regularly so that they don't build up or escape our mouths as criticism or contempt. (Dr. Gottman calls this a negative bid - expressing our bid, or request, in a negative way).
Step 2: Respond to bids mindfully
The next step in this challenge is to slow down, breathe, recognize bids, and RESPOND MINDFULLY.
In the Bringing Baby Home class, Dr. Gottman talks about the importance of recognizing bids and responding to them intentionally. The motto of the workshop is "small things often."
When we notice that our partner or our child is making a bid for connection, we have several ways that we can respond.
1. We can turn towards. This means that we respond to their request for connection by connecting with them.
Take the November 5:1 Ratio Challenge!
Research by The Gottman Institute shows that families thrive when there are 5 times more positives than negatives in our emotional bank accounts. Join me in taking the 5:1 ratio challenge to increase the number of positives in our relationships and to decrease the number of negatives. What tools do we have in our toolboxes to do this? What are some things that you do that fill your family’s emotional bank accounts?
