Progressive muscle relaxation isn’t just for adults—it can be a playful and powerful way to help kids manage stress, too. By turning relaxation into games—like blowing bubbles with slow breaths, dancing like stiff robots and floppy noodles, or squeezing toes in the mud—we can teach children how to notice the difference between tension and calm. The best part? When parents join in, kids don’t just learn the skill—they feel the calm spread through the whole family.
Today I am reflecting on the relationship between healthy eating and sleep. This morning, I was listening to the audiobook “The Sleep Prescription” by Aric A. Prather, Ph.D. I’ve been slowly working through his sleep “class” in HeadSpace and decided to listen to his audiobook as I work to improve sleep both for myself and for my clients. I’m just on day 2 at the moment, but this quote really struck me.
“Carb lovers, pay attention here: carbs are an interesting case. Studies have unearthed that while most carbohydrates will actually help you fall asleep faster, only certain types will help you stay asleep. Simple and sugary carbs (think pizza, white bread, bagels, pasta) can cause more wake ups throughout the night. In contrast, complex carbs (again, these are the more high-fiber foods like sweet potatoes, oatmeal, and whole grains) can stabilize your sleep patterns—possibly, Dr. St-Onge theorizes, because they also stabilize your blood sugar.[11]” Excerpt From The Sleep Prescription by Aric A. Prather, PhD https://books.apple.com/book/id1608147733 This material may be protected by copyright.
Lately I have discovered that my waking glucose levels are consistently in the pre-diabetic range. I have been using the Stelo non-prescription continuous glucose monitor and reading books like Good Energy by Dr. Casey Means and The Glucose Revolution by Jessie Inchaupé. And my sister-in-law gave me an extra Oura ring, which connects with the Stelo to give insights between glucose and other biomarkers! (Such an amazing gift… although I warn that there is an ongoing fee to use the Oura ring in addition to the up-front cost of the ring itself but also I think it’s totally worth it!).
The real reason I have my own business. Hint: It’s about you AND me.
Nesting parties ask us to re-think the way that we celebrate new parents and challenge us to focus on what the expecting parents need. It’s really less of a party and more of an opportunity to provide the family help.
Unlike baby showers, “Nesting parties shift the focus from stuff to support to help families prepare their homes and hearts for life with a new baby,” explains Lara Elfstrand, the pediatric sleep practitioner of Little Elf Family Services.
Nesting parties ask us to re-think the way that we celebrate new parents and challenge us to focus on what the expecting parents need. It’s really less of a party and more of an opportunity to provide the family help.
Unlike baby showers, “Nesting parties shift the focus from stuff to support to help families prepare their homes and hearts for life with a new baby,” explains Lara Elfstrand, the pediatric sleep practitioner of Little Elf Family Services.
A baby shower focuses on the baby. It focuses on STUFF. Some stuff is good and useful — a baby needs a place to sleep, a car seat, some clothes, a few bottles or boppies or burp cloths. But if you end up with too much stuff, you just have to sort it out and manage it and find a way to give it away later. If you're a first time mom, you may really want —or need — to have a baby shower. Just be aware that you might not need twenty adorable onesies or a dozen stuffed animals, and the money spent on those items might be better spent elsewhere (see ideas in the downloadable PDF below).
"I wish I would have ‘said no thank you’ to so many given clothes, and put less on my registry... I got sucked up into needing all the things... I only use about 20% of what we got. It was a lot of work to donate, and return things after the baby arrived." E.B.
"I wish they'd put all the money they wasted on toys and fancy baby clothes into a cleaning service once a week. And food we actually wanted to eat (instead of what they cooked)."
On the other hand, a nesting party is focused on preparing the home and the family. Close friends can come to help deep clean the house or prepare meals. Co-workers or distant relatives can contribute gift certificates or money towards house cleaning or pet-care services, restaurants or meal- delivery, or doulas or mother’s helpers. A nesting party focuses on providing you with the support you need to have more snuggle time with your baby and more "me" time to take a long hot shower or get in a nap after your baby is born.
"Planning a nesting party opens the conversation of what a family's needs will be after birth and how people can help out. You need that support whether it's your first baby or your fifth!... It allows the guests to feel like they really made a difference." (Instead of Baby Showers, Expecting Moms are Throwing Nesting Parties)
Remember that the goal of a Nesting Party is to set up a family for success after their baby is born. This can be a new concept for both expectant parents and guests. So take the time to think about how you want to reframe the traditional baby shower into its modern-day version.
“I wish I had thought more about the support I would need after baby was born. I hardly knew what I needed, but I just knew I needed SOMETHING...” says Laura Baker, pregnancy/newborn photographer.
Now go have fun planning for your amazing postpartum time, and the Nesting Party that will help you achieve it! And if your friends can’t help themselves and still give you a cute onesie, oh well...
Download my free PDF by entering your name and email address below. Within the next few minutes, you will receive an email containing the link to download your free PDF to get started having your own nesting party today!
For personalized support to plan your nesting party, schedule a free 30 minute nesting party planning call.
Plan a party that sets your family up for success, with more support, less stuff, and less stress!
*This PDF contains affiliate links. That means that if you make a purchase after clicking on a link I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
As new parents, you hope that life with your baby will be exciting - a fun, new adventure and a chance to get to know a new member of your family. You want to create a warm, nurturing home for your children. You want time and space and support to bond with your baby. You want a peaceful postpartum. You want to instill positive values in your children. And if you have a partner, you want your relationship to be happy and connected. Ultimately, you want to raise a kind, positive human being that contributes to society when they are older.
Bringing a new member into the family is exciting and wonderful. It’s also challenging, stressful and can increase hostility between partners and even with extended family and friends. The dynamics of the new addition changes everyone’s lives and everyone is affected. Your identity changes. You shift from being a couple to being a family. You take on the identity of “mother” or “father” or “parent”, and you even deal with your parents as they take on the title of “grandparent” (whether for the first time or not). And if you have other children, they have to adjust to sharing their parents’ attention, affection, and time.
It is critical that new parents feel nurtured and supported, so that they can nurture and support their babies. Knowing that they are loved and safe is a crucial foundation for babies’ learning and development.
There are 3 types of support that new families need to thrive: physical support, relationship tools, and financial support.
In a perfect world, every birthing family would receive three kinds of physical support: a birth doula, a postpartum doula, and a pelvic floor physical therapist. Here’s why.
BIRTH DOULAS
A birth doula provides physical, informational, and emotional support during labor. They help birthing parents with comfort, suggestions, reassurance, and advocacy. Doulas may provide massage, relaxation techniques, and other types of emotional and physical support their clients need. And birth doulas can help partners to know what to expect during labor, as well as how they can best support the birthing parent.
According to Evidence Based Birth, “Overall, people who received continuous support were more likely to have spontaneous vaginal births and less likely to have any pain medication, epidurals, negative feelings about childbirth, vacuum or forceps-assisted births, and Cesareans. In addition, their labors were shorter… and their babies were less likely to have low Apgar scores at birth. There is a smaller amount of evidence that doula support in labor can lower postpartum depression in mothers. There is no evidence for negative consequences to continuous labor support.”
During COVID, some birth doulas have worked completely virtually. Other birth doulas have supported families in person in their homes until it was time to go to the hospital and then switch to a virtual model if needed after that. Gemma Mrizo, at Doula Gemma says, “For me, …I think that the virtual model completely works. … I think every woman should still have a doula… The doula and the remote model almost feels like that's your expert to call when it's hitting the fan and you're panicking. And I think a lot of people like that, that they have somebody to back them up if they need it. And then if they don't, they're cool.”.
POSTPARTUM DOULAS
A postpartum doula’s role is to support you to get your needs met as a new parent, whether that is taking care of the baby so that you can get a nap or snuggle with your partner for a few minutes, getting you a warm bath to soak your feet as you feed your baby, pulling up a good breastfeeding meditation on YouTube, or making sure that your water bottle stays full. Postpartum doulas also provide a listening ear as you process your birth experience and learn to be a parent. A postpartum doula will encourage and support you in gaining confidence as a parent. DONA, one of the agencies that certifies doulas, says that a postpartum doula’s job is to be NEAR: nurturing, educating, assessing, and referring to additional resources.
PELVIC FLOOR PHYSICAL THERAPY
Pelvic floor physical therapy can decrease your chance of injury and help new birthing parents to heal after birth. “I recommend a visit with a pelvic physical therapist before or during pregnancy week 30. [Parents] need to start doing the exercises I prescribe daily 6-8 weeks before delivery for them to get maximum benefit.” Dr. Romy Havard of Peregrine Physical Therapy.
Julie Kwong of LadyBits PT puts it this way, “"Why wouldn't you (see a pelvic floor physical therapist)?" You've been through so much. This is the least you deserve--to heal after birth, be put back together. It's the very least you deserve.”
During pregnancy, most couples don’t know what to expect and don’t know what important conversations to have. As a result, they often feel resentful when their expectations don’t match with reality after the baby arrives. That’s why I love to teach the Gottman Bringing Baby Home program to expectant and new parents.
Bringing Baby Home educators give parents the tools that they need to express their needs clearly and respectfully, using research-based tools included in the Gottman Bringing Baby Home program.
Not only is the Gottman Bringing Baby Home program research-based, it’s also research-tested to increase relationship satisfaction. Babies of parents who have taken the class have been shown to cry less, smile more, and develop higher language and cognitive scores at one year of age than babies of parents who did not take the class. And that’s what new parents want!
You probably noticed that the support options above are expensive. There are a few insurance companies that will cover a birth doula but most insurance companies don’t. What if we can get the support that we need anyway?
Some hospitals have volunteer doula programs for doulas who are in the process of getting their certification, or want to donate their time. Ask the hospital where you are birthing if they have a doula program, and encourage them to develop one if they don’t.
Your friends and family can help support you. Let’s change the way that we do baby showers! Instead of receiving a zillion newborn onesies that will never be used, you can ask for a nesting party, where your close family and friends come over to help you to cook and clean and prepare your home for your baby.
You can also use a registry such as behervillage.com to ask for the specific support that you need to thrive. Be Her Village is a gift registry for services, not stuff. Expectant and new parents can register for either physical support, such as a birth doula, postpartum doula, or pelvic floor physical therapist, or relationship support such as a Gottman Bringing Baby Home class.
You want to create a family that is safe, healthy, calm, and strong. Don’t be under-prepared for the amount of support that you will need. Start your journey to parenting with the knowledge, skills, and confidence to do just that.
Let’s chat about how things are going so far and how I can support you!
Resources:
©Lara Elfstrand, MA ECSE, IF-ATMHP - Little Elf Family Services, P.O. Box 5098, Auburn, CA 95604
