This is a handout that I reference a lot both to generate ideas for myself and for my clients. I use it both for breaks and for celebrations! Which one are you going to do next?
50 ways to take a break
Expressing needs: calm down first
I wanted to start our expressing needs challenge with a quick reminder that it’s really hard to think clearly or have empathy for our families when we are physically upset (Dr. Gottman calls it “flooded”). If we notice that our heart rates are high and our bodies are tense, we may need to start off by taking a good break. What is the nature of a good break? It is at least 20 minutes long. It is thinking about something else besides the argument. By the time the break is over, our bodies are physically relaxed, and our hearts and minds are calm.
Helping kids to slow down and breathe...
Let's take a look at different ways that we can slow down with our kids to savor the moment together.
I recently discovered a book called "Breathe Like a Bear" by Kira Willey. It is full of ideas for ways to teach little ones to breathe! Kira is also a songwriter. Check out her music on your favorite music player! I've been enjoying "Bunny Breath" and others! A few of her strategies include:
Pretending that we are drinking hot chocolate, taking sips and saying a long "mmmm" or slowly blowing it to cool it down.
Fighting in front of the kids
When is it appropriate to fight in front of the kids? In John Medina's book Brain Rules (Updated and Expanded), he talks about "One of the greatest predictors of performance in school turns out to be the emotional stability of the home... Given that stress can powerfully affect learning, one might predict that children living in high-anxiety households would not perform as well academically as kids living in more nurturing households. That is exactly what studies show. Marital stress at home can negatively affect academic performance in almost every way measurable, and at nearly any age...
