If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that we have adopted a rescue dog, Charlie, who often has had anxious behaviors. For a long time now, I’ve been wanting to write a blog post about what one of our dog trainers called “the Mr. Rogers hack.” She suggested that we talk to Charlie about scary things by using simple language to talk honestly about what is happening, imitating the style of Mr. Rogers.
It seems particularly appropriate to write this post on Halloween, because one example of this hack is that in 1975, Mr. Rogers invited Margaret Hamilton (who played the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz) to his show so that she could show children her costume.
As I was thinking about the Mr. Rogers hack and about Halloween, I asked Google: explain scary things in the style of Mr. Rogers. I found the answer helpful:
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To explain scary things in the style of Mr. Rogers, the approach involves gentle honesty, affirmation of feelings, and focusing on helpfulness and safety. He understood that children's fantasies could be far worse than reality, so his goal was to provide clear, simple, and reassuring explanations to prevent confusion and fear.
Here is how he would likely explain three common fears:
A dark, stormy night
The Mr. Rogers explanation:
"Sometimes, the weather can get very loud and very bright. When the sky makes a loud sound like BOOM, that's called thunder. And when you see a very bright flash, that's lightning. The rain and wind can feel a little scary, can't they? It's okay to be scared when things are so loud and different. You might feel a little worried. But you know what? All of those sounds are happening outside. You are safe inside your home.
Your house is a good, strong place to be during a storm. If you get scared, you can hold a grown-up's hand, or hug a favorite teddy bear. And remember that storms don't last forever. The sun will always come out again."
Key principles used:
Acknowledge and validate feelings: He would start by openly stating that it's okay to feel scared.
Give a simple explanation: He would use simple language to explain thunder and lightning, demystifying the unknown.
Focus on safety: He would emphasize that you are safe in your home, grounding the child's reality in a secure environment.
End with hope: He would remind the child that the scary part is temporary, and things will return to normal.
The monster under the bed
The Mr. Rogers explanation:
"You know, sometimes when we're trying to go to sleep, our imaginations can be very busy. Our mind can make up stories and pictures of things that feel a little bit frightening, like a monster under the bed. It's a very big feeling to be scared like that.
But that's the wonderful thing about imagination—it only happens in our minds. When we use our eyes and our hands, we can check that there is nothing under the bed but dust bunnies and maybe a favorite toy. A monster is not real. It's just a feeling.
You can tell your fear that you understand it, but that it's time to rest now. You can even try singing a quiet song to help you feel calm and sleepy. A song is a special kind of helper."
Key principles used:
Distinguish fantasy from reality: He would explain that some scary things are a product of our imagination.
Empower the child: He would give the child a concrete action, like looking under the bed, to prove to themselves that they are safe.
Offer a coping mechanism: He would provide a simple tool, like singing, to help the child feel better.
Encourage self-awareness: He would teach the child to acknowledge their fear, but not be controlled by it.
Seeing a sad or scary news report
The Mr. Rogers explanation:
"When you see things on the news, sometimes there are people who are sad or hurt. Your mother told me once that when she would see scary things in the news, she would say, 'Look for the helpers.' You will always find people who are helping.
When you see something scary, it can make you feel sad and worried for those people. And that's okay. It shows you have a very kind heart.
But it's also important to remember that there are always people working to make things better. There are doctors who help people get well, and neighbors who take care of each other. It’s good to know that even when bad things happen, there are always good people helping. And in your own neighborhood, you can be a helper, too, by being kind to the people you see every day."
Key principles used:
Explain "the helpers": This famous quote was his way of guiding children and adults to focus on the good in a negative situation.
Reinforce empathy: He would acknowledge that feeling sad for others is a normal and healthy emotion.
Provide a broader perspective: He would remind the child that while one bad thing happened, there are countless people working to make things right.
Encourage active compassion: He would suggest that the child can also be a helper in their own world.
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In my house I’ve been pairing this with some deep breaths. So when Charlie starts to bark at something outside, I walk to the window. I explain what’s out there in really simple terms like “It’s a neighbor” or “It’s a delivery”. I put a hand on his back and just breathe slowly for a moment. Then once he settles, we go back to what we were doing.
So what do you think? Is there something there you’ve had success with? Is there a strategy that you want to try this Halloween or some other time to explain scary things?
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