Progressive muscle relaxation isn’t just for adults—it can be a playful and powerful way to help kids manage stress, too. By turning relaxation into games—like blowing bubbles with slow breaths, dancing like stiff robots and floppy noodles, or squeezing toes in the mud—we can teach children how to notice the difference between tension and calm. The best part? When parents join in, kids don’t just learn the skill—they feel the calm spread through the whole family.
Today I am reflecting on the relationship between healthy eating and sleep. This morning, I was listening to the audiobook “The Sleep Prescription” by Aric A. Prather, Ph.D. I’ve been slowly working through his sleep “class” in HeadSpace and decided to listen to his audiobook as I work to improve sleep both for myself and for my clients. I’m just on day 2 at the moment, but this quote really struck me.
“Carb lovers, pay attention here: carbs are an interesting case. Studies have unearthed that while most carbohydrates will actually help you fall asleep faster, only certain types will help you stay asleep. Simple and sugary carbs (think pizza, white bread, bagels, pasta) can cause more wake ups throughout the night. In contrast, complex carbs (again, these are the more high-fiber foods like sweet potatoes, oatmeal, and whole grains) can stabilize your sleep patterns—possibly, Dr. St-Onge theorizes, because they also stabilize your blood sugar.[11]” Excerpt From The Sleep Prescription by Aric A. Prather, PhD https://books.apple.com/book/id1608147733 This material may be protected by copyright.
Lately I have discovered that my waking glucose levels are consistently in the pre-diabetic range. I have been using the Stelo non-prescription continuous glucose monitor and reading books like Good Energy by Dr. Casey Means and The Glucose Revolution by Jessie Inchaupé. And my sister-in-law gave me an extra Oura ring, which connects with the Stelo to give insights between glucose and other biomarkers! (Such an amazing gift… although I warn that there is an ongoing fee to use the Oura ring in addition to the up-front cost of the ring itself but also I think it’s totally worth it!).
The real reason I have my own business. Hint: It’s about you AND me.
Nesting parties ask us to re-think the way that we celebrate new parents and challenge us to focus on what the expecting parents need. It’s really less of a party and more of an opportunity to provide the family help.
Unlike baby showers, “Nesting parties shift the focus from stuff to support to help families prepare their homes and hearts for life with a new baby,” explains Lara Elfstrand, the pediatric sleep practitioner of Little Elf Family Services.
Progressive muscle relaxation isn’t just for adults—it can be a playful and powerful way to help kids manage stress, too. By turning relaxation into games—like blowing bubbles with slow breaths, dancing like stiff robots and floppy noodles, or squeezing toes in the mud—we can teach children how to notice the difference between tension and calm. The best part? When parents join in, kids don’t just learn the skill—they feel the calm spread through the whole family.
When I think about songs that remind me of why I do what I do, one of the top songs that comes to mind is “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes. It’s an oldie but a goodie. :)
If you haven’t heard it in a while, click on the link above and give it a listen. Then come back and check out why this song is so important to me. And I bet that you’ll be singing along as you read, just like I am doing as I write!
A couple of days ago, I created a “Welcome to Little Elf Family Services” video. I thought it turned out decently well, and I posted it. I watched part of the captions and changed the spelling of “mountain cur” but only realized after I had posted the automated captions that they misspelled my name.
My name is Lara. It isn’t Laura. It’s like the state in Venezuela, like Superman’s mother, like Lara Croft, or Lara in the movie Dr. Zhivago (which is where it really comes from, although I honestly don’t know the story all that well).
So that got me thinking about mistakes. Mistakes are hard. They are challenging. And the way that we handle them matters.
Welcome to Little Elf Family Services!
Welcome to Little Elf Family Services! I’m Lara Elfstrand. I am a parent coach, and I am here to help parents to feel connected, rested, and thriving. I have a master’s degree in early childhood special education (and a clear teaching credential), and I am endorsed as an infant family advanced transdisciplinary mental health practitioner. I love to learn, and I have experience and education in sleep from the Palm Institute, in relationships from the Gottman Institute, and in attachment from Circle of Security. If you would like to feel more connected, rested, and thriving in your family, click the button below to schedule a free chat.
Routines have been a fundamental part of my life since I got married (25 years ago!) and especially during times when I’ve had a young child and/or a dog at home (the last 16+ years). Here are some of my favorite sources of my favorite routines. The challenging part is to not try to do them all at once! Pick one or two to start with! Break things into small pieces, and if you need some support, reach out to me and let’s chat!
At Little Elf Family Services, I believe that parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. Families thrive when they feel supported, equipped, and empowered, and my work is designed to help parents move from exhaustion and frustration to confidence and joy.
As a sleep consultant, marriage and parenting coach, and early childhood special educator, I blend evidence-based strategies with compassionate support. My approach draws from experts like John & Julie Gottman, Bruce Perry, Stewart Brown, Brené Brown, and Dan Siegel, helping families find solutions that align with their values and unique needs.
Parenting can feel overwhelming, but struggle and confrontation don’t have to be the norm. Clients often express relief when they realize they don’t have to panic over each new challenge. Instead, they learn to approach problems with a steady, thoughtful perspective, making small shifts that create lasting positive change.
“We knew we didn't need to panic when facing a new problem as you would be there, guiding us.”
“We’re also constantly amazed by how your parenting philosophy has minimized confrontation and struggle, and allowed us to focus on the happy and joyful moments that our child brings us.”
I provide resources, guidance, and encouragement—but the real magic happens when families take those tools and make them their own. My work isn’t about fixing families; it’s about helping them find their own strengths and rhythm.
"She won’t do the work for you—but she will give you resources, tools, and support to do it yourself. And she will be cheering you on every step of the way.”
From gentle start-up conversations (a Gottman-based approach that reduces conflict) to completing stress cycles (so parents don’t carry frustration day after day), my work is rooted in strategies that make a real difference. Laughter, connection, and small, consistent changes help families shift from surviving to thriving.
"We are better parents, a better couple, and better people for knowing her and having worked with her."
Whether you’re navigating infant sleep, toddler emotions, or the ups and downs of parenting, my goal is to help you feel rested, connected, and confident—so you can focus on what truly matters: the joyful moments in family life.
**This post was created by ChatGPT to summarize my work and includes real testimonials from real people that I have served. I love it and it fits me beautifully, so I am sharing it here. 9/4/25 I am also adding links to blog posts on related topics.
Blow big bubbles to practice slow, calm breaths. Then see how you can blow many small bubbles when you breathe faster!
While we are on the topic of breathing, here are some other breathing strategies that I recommend to my clients often:
Kira Willey’s Mindful Moments for Kids
Conscious Discipline breathing exercises for kids and parents (YouTube playlist)
While researching for this blog post, I also found this cute puffer fish that goes up and down as you breathe and I kind of love it!
Also I love to remind parents that blowing bubbles is an awesome way to practice breathing! Blow big bubbles to practice slow, calm breaths. Then see how you can blow many small bubbles when you breathe faster! Can you blow bubbles with belly breathing? Just know that shaking bubbles or waving the wand inside of the bubble solution will make the solution get foamy and stop working.
Reminder: Why practice breathing with your kids? It builds calm. It tells the brain that they are safe, which can help them to think more clearly and make better decisions. It can help to reduce cortisol, which can be helpful as part of a pre-sleep routine to help prepare the body for rest and shut off from a busy day. It also helps with gut health, according to Dr. Elisa Song of the book Healthy Kids, Happy Kids.
April additions: One of the things I love to do is to use the things that kids already know and love and build on it! So recently I found:
What would YOUR kids add to this list? Can you find some videos on YouTube? Share them with me!
Spreading Calm: Lessons on Sleep Training from Charlie
The Importance of Mindfulness as a Parent
Calm Evenings Start with You—Reframe the Bedtime Routine for a Smoother Night!
Have you ever found yourself reacting in a way that you later regretted—criticizing or blaming a loved one, shutting down, or getting defensive? Understanding why this happens is key to building healthy relationships.
One of the most powerful tools for understanding our reactions comes from Dr. Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain. This simple yet profound model helps us see why we sometimes lose control in moments of stress and how we can regain balance.
Hand model of the brain. This is Lara’s hand. The illustration is by Dr. Dan Siegel
Put your hand up in front of you. Your hand can serve as a simplified model of the brain:
Forearm: Represents the spinal cord, where information flows between the body and the brain.
Palm/Base of the Brain: Represents the brainstem, which regulates essential functions like heart rate and breathing.
Thumb (Folded into Palm): Represents the limbic system, the emotional center of the brain.
Fingers (Wrapped Over the Thumb): Represent the cortex, the thinking brain, which helps with reasoning, problem-solving, and self-control.
At the base of the brain, there’s a “gatekeeper” (the fancy word is neuroception) constantly asking, “Am I safe?” If the answer is yes, our thinking brain stays engaged, allowing us to respond thoughtfully. If the answer is no, our brain goes into fight-or-flight mode, and we “flip our lid”—losing access to clear thinking and reacting impulsively instead. To see this illustration explained by the creator, check out this video by Dr. Dan Siegel.
Photo by Robina Weermeijer on Unsplash
Before I learned about the hand model, I had heard of fight or flight, but I didn’t understand how it affected my relationships. Here’s a real-life example:
I was cooking dinner and grabbed a pan that had just been in the oven. Instantly, my brain didn’t wait for a careful decision—it reacted immediately, making me pull my hand away. This is an example of my brain protecting me in a moment of danger.
But here’s the problem: our brains don’t distinguish between physical danger (a hot pan) and emotional danger (a hurtful comment from a loved one). If someone I care about criticizes me, blames me, or says something that feels insulting, my brain reacts the same way—it flips the lid, and I lose access to my thinking brain. This is when we tend to use behaviors that damage relationships, like criticism, mockery, withdrawing from the interaction, or reacting defensively.
Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash.
Recognize when your lid is flipping. Create a family culture where it’s safe to take a break to calm down before responding, and where trust is built by coming back to the discussion and continuing the discussion after you are calm.
Take at least 20 minutes to calm both body and mind. It takes time for stress hormones to clear. But be mindful—if you spend that time ruminating on how unfair or frustrating the situation is, you won’t actually calm down. Instead, you can read a book, watch something that makes you laugh, or try a progressive muscle relaxation.
Teach good behavior to your child before or after a tantrum. When a child’s lid is flipped, they literally can’t hear or process logic. Teach problem-solving skills when they’re calm.
Focus on respect and clarity. When we stay calm, we can express our needs without criticism, sarcasm, or blame. This helps keep the conversation productive and prevents unnecessary hurt.
Understanding how our brain works in moments of stress allows us to respond instead of react. It’s a game-changer for strengthening relationships with our partners, children, and loved ones.
For a deeper dive, check out this video by Dr. Dan Siegel.
Want to learn more about the behaviors that predict relationship meltdowns? Watch this video of Dr. John Gottman on Anderson Cooper.
Want tips on how to express needs without criticism, sarcasm, or blame? Watch this video of Dr. Julie Gottman.
Stress. We’ve all got it. We sometimes prefer to ignore it. Our bodies need a way to manage it so that it doesn’t make us sick—either physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Lately I’ve been working with my coaching clients on the concept of completing stress cycles. What that means is that we need to tell our bodies that the stress is done. So for example, if we were our ancestors who were out in the woods and we were being chased by a lion, we could fight the lion, we could run away from the lion (fight or flight), or if the lion really is going to get us, we could freeze and play dead and hope that the lion goes elsewhere. So our stress response system generally goes into fight, flight, or freeze. If we conquer that lion and either fight them or run away and we escape, we run back to our tribe. We jump up and down. We can big hugs and we tell our bodies that we feel safe. Whew! The danger is over!
But in the society that we live in today, most of the dangers are not like being chased like a lion. Most of them are things that are pervasive and more long lasting. And so we need more intentional ways that we complete the stress cycle by telling our bodies that we are safe. So on one hand, we need to deal with the actual stress or the thing that caused the stress. And on the other hand, we need to deal with our body that we really are safe. We need to do that on a daily basis, because the stress is going to build up on a daily basis. We need some routines that can help to reduce that stress and manage it and complete the stress cycle.
The most powerful way to complete stress cycles for most people is going to be exercise about 30 to 60 minutes of exercise at a level that raises your heart rate. If that doesn't work for you for some reason, some other options to think about are to experiment with things like:
breathing strategies,
meditation,
affection,
a six second kiss with someone that you love and have a trusting and safe relationship with,
a 20 second hug—long enough for you to feel that melting feeling
go take your dog for a walk or go on a walk by yourself. If you take your dog for a walk, maybe you get both affection AND exercise. The book doesn't talk about sunlight being good, but my understanding is that sunlight can also be something that can help to complete the stress cycle.
And interestingly, being nice to other people and having a positive social interaction can help to complete the stress cycle. Just going to your local coffee shop and saying, good day to the person who serves you, your coffee is another one.
Laughter is another one. That is a great way to complete the stress cycle because we can't be all stressed and in fight or flight and be laughing a good, really amazing belly laugh at the same time. I really recommend something like an improv class if you're up for it. Improv strategies are great for helping us to really celebrate failure and mistakes and to listen to each other. They're just great relationship tools and they make you laugh so much. So that's one that's also not in the book, but it's one that brings laughter.
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to look at the list above, think about the things that are mentioned that can help to complete the stress cycle and to plan it into your day.
Laughter
Physical affection
Breathing
Meditation
Physical exercise.
How can you get those on a daily basis? This is important, because the stress is going to come, and it needs to be kicked out!
Thanks to Emily & Amelia’s book Burnout for this illuminating concept!
To learn more, read:
Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2020). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.
Hey there, friend! Welcome to an exciting journey where we'll delve into enriching your relationship and embracing the incredible adventure of parenthood. The Gottman Bringing Baby Home Program is your golden ticket to creating a strong and loving foundation for your family. In this heart-to-heart chat, we're going to explore where this program came from, its fantastic benefits, and what you can expect as you embark on this life-changing adventure.
**The Gottman Institute: Your Relationship's Best Friend**
Meet the Gottman Institute, fondly known as the "crazy researcher people." For nearly five decades, they've been on a mission to unravel the mysteries of marriage and parenting. Through their dedication to research, they've uncovered the secrets to nurturing lasting, healthy relationships. And guess what? They're absolutely thrilled to share this treasure trove of wisdom with couples like us around the world, all in the name of promoting love and well-being in our relationships.
**Understanding the Transition to Parenthood**
Now, let's talk about something we can all relate to—parenthood. It's a transformative experience, but it can also bring its fair share of surprises and challenges. According to the Gottman Institute, around two-thirds of couples experience increased hostility after welcoming a new baby into their lives. Late-night feedings, diaper changes, and those extra responsibilities can strain even the strongest relationships. But here's the bright side: the Bringing Baby Home Program is here to help. It's been proven to reduce hostility and supercharge relationship satisfaction. And get this, babies of parents who've taken the program cry less, smile more, and become little communication wizards.
**The Fishbowl Analogy: A Unique Perspective**
Imagine your family as a fishbowl, with the water symbolizing the mental health and relationship quality of you and your partner. Just as fish thrive in clean water, children flourish in a healthy relationship environment. The program equips you with all the right tools to maintain that crystal-clear water, ensuring your little ones grow up in a nurturing and loving family. It fosters fondness, affection, appreciation, and a stronger connection with your children and partner.
**Program Details and Format: Learning with a Dash of Fun**
The Bringing Baby Home Program is tailor-made for couples from pregnancy through those early preschool years. It's not your typical class; it's a delightful mix of lectures, videos, interactive exercises, and heartfelt discussions. You'll explore concepts as a group and enjoy private exercises as a couple, creating a safe space for open communication.
**Creating a Fair and Stress-Free Family**
This program isn't just about creating a fair division of labor; it's about ensuring both parents actively participate in caring for your bundle of joy. It's your toolkit for managing stress effectively, working as a team, and setting your family up for a lifetime of success. Whether your relationship is sailing smoothly or navigating a few bumps, the program can help strengthen your bonds and enhance your satisfaction.
**Meet Lara Elfstrand: Your Guide and Cheerleader**
Allow me to introduce myself, I am Lara Elfstrand, the friendly face guiding you through this transformative journey. I am a pro with a background in early childhood education, infant-family mental health, and parenting. I’m a certified in infant massage, a sleep consultant, and a true advocate for families. What’s my secret sauce? Emphasizing the importance of repetition and fun in the learning process.
**Conclusion: A Journey to Family Bliss**
Your family is your most priceless treasure, and the health of your family is indeed wealth. Children thrive when their parents thrive, and you are worth every investment in your family's well-being. Consider this: What is your current stress level costing you in terms of the precious moments you could be sharing with your loved ones?
The Bringing Baby Home Program is your opportunity to prioritize your family's happiness and ensure that stress doesn't overshadow the joy of parenting. By joining this program, you're investing in a future where you can relish every moment spent with your partner and children. It's a chance to break free from the cycle of stress and create a harmonious and nurturing family environment.
Your family's well-being is worth more than any amount of money. Take the leap, invest in yourself, and unlock the potential for abundant love, happiness, and connection within your family. Sign up for the Bringing Baby Home Program today, and let's embark on this transformative journey together.
Sign - up here: Bringing Baby Home - TUESDAYS 6-8 PM Pacific starting November 7, 2023
#BringingBabyHome #ParentingJourney #HealthyRelationships #FamilyAbundance
**The Gottman Institute: Pioneers in Relationship Research**
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a creation of none other than the brilliant minds at the Gottman Institute. At Little Elf Family Services, we affectionately refer to them as the "crazy researcher people" who have spent nearly five decades delving into the intricacies of marriage and parenting. Imagine all the wisdom they've accumulated in that time! Our mission is to bring their remarkable discoveries to you and tailor them to your unique needs.
**Unveiling the Gottman Institute's Magic**
The Gottman Institute has truly revolutionized the world of marriage research. They've uncovered the secrets behind what makes relationships thrive and what can lead them astray. Thanks to their groundbreaking work, we now possess the tools to make your relationship warmer, stronger, and healthier. They're all about helping couples like you build and sustain love and well-being in your relationships.
**Let's Dive into Program Details**
Here's the juicy part: the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work welcomes couples of all ages. It's perfect for new couples who want to set the stage for a solid foundation. And guess what? It's equally fantastic for seasoned couples who want to keep the spark alive. And it’s amazing for people who are divorced and starting a new relationship who don’t want to repeat the mistakes they made in the past. Think of it this way: why not be a couple that learns relationship tools before hitting a rough patch? We're all human, and challenges are part of the journey. But knowing how to handle them constructively is the key.
**Meet Your Guide: Lara Elfstrand**
Now, let's talk about your tour guide on this incredible journey – Lara Elfstrand. She’s not your run-of-the-mill educator; she’s a pro in early childhood education, infant-family mental health, and parenting. She’s also a certified infant massage guru and a sleep consultant. Her passion lies in creating a nurturing and joyful family environment. And she firmly believes that learning should be fun, and the best lessons are the ones we repeat.
What to expect at a Gottman 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work class @ Little Elf Family Services
**In a Nutshell**
So, in a nutshell, if you're looking for a transformation that brings abundance, stress management, a rock-solid team, and long-lasting happiness into your family, the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is tailor-made for you. Join us on this incredible journey to fortify your relationship and create a thriving, loving family.
Ready to hop on board? Sign up for the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work today, and let's embark on this adventure together.
Sign - up here: Bringing Baby Home - TUESDAYS 6-8 PM Pacific starting November 7, 2023
#HealthyMarriage #RelationshipMagic #LoveAndAbundance 💫❤️
Did you know that one of the best ways to ensure that your marriage will last is to start TODAY to identify yourself as a couple who learns relationship tools? Don’t wait until there is a problem! Why is this so important?
According to research, the average couple waits 6 years before they seek help in their relationship. Yet half of all marriages that end do so in the first 7 years (https://www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/).
When you have a baby, there’s a lot that may surprise you. In this conversation Stephanie opens up about her transformation after seeking help and guidance for her new role as a parent. In this interview, Stephanie shares her challenges, frustrations, and the wins that she achieved through coaching and Gottman Bringing Baby Home classes at Little Elf Family Services.
Recently several people have asked for strategies that can boost the immune system for an exclusively breastfeeding mothers. Moms who are breastfeeding have to be so careful of what they put into their bodies and what they pass on to their babies.
So what's my answer? Interestingly, the research (as shown here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=625t8Rr9o6o) shows that contempt and criticism erode the immune system. So one of the best things that any new parent can do to boost their immune system and protect their baby is to WORK ON THEIR MARRIAGE! Strange, isn't it?
One of the best ways to work on our marriages as a new parent is to take the Gottman Bringing Baby Home program. It's research based and research tested to:
increase relationship satisfaction;
increase language and cognitive scores in babies;
help babies to cry less and smile more;
and to reduce the incidence and severity of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.
It has NO negative side effects! It leaves you feeling empowered, knowing how to handle conflict and to strengthen your friendship so that your relationship can weather the storms of life. And it boosts your immune system by reducing criticism, contempt, and hostility.
Interested in a class? Let’s talk about it!
It makes a great gift for the expecting and new parents in your life! Gift certificates are available here or put the class on your registry at Be Her Village.
Resources:
©Lara Elfstrand, MA ECSE, IF-ATMHP - Little Elf Family Services, P.O. Box 5098, Auburn, CA 95604
