One of my favorite ways to relax is to do a progressive muscle relaxation. To do a progressive muscle relaxation, you go through each body part, tense it, and then feel the difference as you relax it. So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to teach kids how to do a progressive muscle relaxation. Here are my thoughts.
Welcome to Little Elf Family Services! I’m Lara Elfstrand. I am a parent coach, and I am here to help parents to feel connected, rested, and thriving. I have a master’s degree in early childhood special education (and a clear teaching credential), and I am endorsed as an infant family advanced transdisciplinary mental health practitioner.
I became a parent in 2007, and it changed me and my life completely. I realized just how much a person changes when they become a parent. It changed my values, my priorities, and my marriage! The things I learned cannot be summarized in one blog post or even in one blog. But here are just a few things that I would start with:
Nesting parties ask us to re-think the way that we celebrate new parents and challenge us to focus on what the expecting parents need. It’s really less of a party and more of an opportunity to provide the family help.
Unlike baby showers, “Nesting parties shift the focus from stuff to support to help families prepare their homes and hearts for life with a new baby,” explains Lara Elfstrand, the pediatric sleep practitioner of Little Elf Family Services.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that we have adopted a rescue dog, Charlie, who often has had anxious behaviors. For a long time now, I’ve been wanting to write a blog post about what one of our dog trainers called “the Mr. Rogers hack.” She suggested that we talk to Charlie about scary things by using simple language to talk honestly about what is happening, imitating the style of Mr. Rogers.
I was reminded this week of a strategy that I haven’t used much, but I am going to focus on this week with Charlie. It’s a strategy that can be used to celebrate your child’s accomplishments, or to point out the impact of their inappropriate behavior. I like to say that where we put our focus is what we get more of. So one of the best strategies to reduce a behavior is to be really aware of what behavior we want instead and then be sure to acknowledge all the little tiny baby steps along the way to that behavior.
My words this year are celebration, self compassion, and guts. And this week in particular I’m working on savoring the celebrations. That has just brought to mind a lot of fun stuff. One of them is this video of a father and son watching TV together and talking about what they see. This video just makes me smile.
Gatekeeping is something that I think that everyone needs to just know about, so that we can recognize when it’s happening and maybe make better interpretations of what it means and what we can do about it. First, I’m going to share a story from the person who taught me about gatekeeping, and then I’ll share some of the lessons that I’ve learned about it through my years of working with parents and families. And I’ll leave you with some songs to inspire you.
When I think about songs that remind me of why I do what I do, one of the top songs that comes to mind is “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes. It’s an oldie but a goodie. :)
If you haven’t heard it in a while, click on the link above and give it a listen. Then come back and check out why this song is so important to me. And I bet that you’ll be singing along as you read, just like I am doing as I write!
Have you ever found yourself reacting in a way that you later regretted—criticizing or blaming a loved one, shutting down, or getting defensive? Understanding why this happens is key to building healthy relationships.
One of the most powerful tools for understanding our reactions comes from Dr. Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain. This simple yet profound model helps us see why we sometimes lose control in moments of stress and how we can regain balance.
Did you know that one of the best ways to ensure that your marriage will last is to start TODAY to identify yourself as a couple who learns relationship tools? Don’t wait until there is a problem! Why is this so important?
According to research, the average couple waits 6 years before they seek help in their relationship. Yet half of all marriages that end do so in the first 7 years (https://www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/).
Resources:
©Lara Elfstrand, MA ECSE, IF-ATMHP, CPSI - Little Elf Family Services, P.O. Box 5098, Auburn, CA 95604
