These last few weeks have been tough. I’ve gotten TOO MUCH ADVICE from people who meant well, but my body interpreted it as criticism and shame. It’s been impacting my mental health and my sleep. And then my neighbors had a party and I sat on the porch swing and cried because having company over has been too much for Charlie and I so LONG to have friends and family members over.
And I know that when I get anxious, Charlie gets MORE anxious. When I cry, he hides behind the couch. Ouch. This is only making things worse.
So what have I done since then?
I have watched my nutrition, focusing on eating more whole foods and less processed foods.
I have protected my sleep schedule, using a lot of HeadSpace sleepcasts, letting my body know that I will do my best to listen to my body during the daytime and using sleep casts to at least get some deep rest during the night. I know that they don’t work for everyone, but for me the Indigo Gallery on HeadSpace at least helps me to relax deeply and usually at least sleep for a little bit.
I have joined Therapy in a Nutshell monthly membership, and I am working on ways to bring myself back to the present moment when I feel overwhelmed.
I’ve been doing a hypnosis in Joseph Clough’s “Hypnosis” app called “go easy on yourself.”
I scheduled time with my somatics coach, Stasia Savasuk. She helped me to start to be able to express myself and to hear my voice, to express my boundaries, and to see the gratitude for what’s actually working. I am hoping that by eating less processed foods, I will have money for more coaching with Stasia, and I know that that usually helps me considerably.
And then as I’ve been processing all of this, something interesting happened:
For the past 8 years my husband and I have been doing a journal for couples, and the other day there was a question that said something like “What award would you like to give your partner?” And it got me thinking… what I really honestly need for myself right now, and for the sake of Charlie, is an award. I need a true, wholehearted celebration of all of the ways that I have shown up as imperfectly ENOUGH and as a LEARNER. Am I a perfect dog parent? Heck no! Can I always learn more? Definitely! Do I always put my boundaries in the right place? No! But we both need and deserve the MOST generous interpretation, NOT the LEAST generous interpretation, of our behavior (terms by Dr. Becky at Good Inside).
To give myself this award, I told ChatGPT a long list of the ways that I show up as a dog parent. I tweaked it until it felt right in my body, and now I am sharing it here. This is my award.
And before I show you my award, I would like to know: what award do you give to yourself?
Would you be up for sharing your award with me? Because I think that you deserve one, too, and I want to hear about it!
🏆 Dog Parents of the Year Award 🏆
Presented to: The Elfstrands
For Extraordinary Compassion, Relentless Commitment, and Unwavering Love
For adopting a dog who was running out of time,
for seeing not just his anxiety but his heart,
and for showing up—every single day—
with patience, creativity, and grace (even when there are tears along the way).
Charlie is a hunter and a protector.
He needs guidance, structure, and safety—
and together, you are learning how to provide those things in ways that help him thrive.
You are growing right alongside him—
learning to communicate safety, build trust, and meet one another’s needs, step by step.
Your progress together is a testament to persistence, compassion, and deep connection.
When challenges arise, you reflect, adjust, and keep choosing understanding and compassion over criticism and shame.
You celebrate effort and growth—
because healing, for both humans and dogs, takes time, courage, and love.
💪 For Distinguished Service in the Following Acts of Heroism:
Completing Petco and Petsmart trainings (with honors in perseverance).
Taking on the Sexier than a Squirrel Challenge (even though it made you TOO SEXY).
Navigating general vets and allergy vets and behavioral vets with resilience.
Finding behavioral, nutritional, and health support that fits with your values, and taking time every day to put what you are learning into practice.
Choosing safety over social life and making it through months of debilitating separation anxiety, even when it was lonely, because safety builds trust.
Maintaining compassion for self and others when handling encounters with all kinds of people who think that if you just did it their way or used their trainer, you would be over this by now.
Managing logistics, gates, texts and safe zones like a tactical genius.
Scheduling gait assessments, medical work and nail trim under anesthesia, and sending poop across the Atlantic to the UK for testing to be sure that he has the best nutrition and medical care available and to rule out any underlying conditions.
Coordinating sitter introductions with patience and steady progress, and collecting scents for new people that we want him to meet.
Performing financial gymnastics of Olympic caliber to fund the endless parade of trainers, tests, and special allergy diet and treats.
Managing the emotional fallout of a dog betrayed by his favorite restaurant staff and drive-through servers—those once-trusted bringers of whipped cream and treats of all kinds—now cruelly forbidden by the allergy diet.
Becoming a Circle of Security Facilitator to better apply the principles of attachment theory to Charlie (and applying it with other families in the process). Learning things like “being with” big emotions; learning to balance being “bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind” and how to figure out “whenever possible, follow the child’s lead. Whenever necessary, take charge.” Easier said than done—especially during high stress or moments of distraction. Also, realizing that when he comes in for some attention and nurturing, it helps to give it to him when you can so that then his need gets met appropriately.
❤️ For Unseen Acts of Love and Advocacy:
Hiding treats every day in the Joy Room.
Getting knocked over on walks, not being able to wear lipstick because he scratched you on the lip, and still showing up with tenderness.
Giving pills every 12 hours and restructuring your days with compassion and discipline.
Finding creative ways to meet both Charlie’s needs and your own—because your needs matter too.
Building your schedule with intention so both of you can thrive.
Choosing gentleness over guilt and learning to see progress, not perfection.
Following him around like a devoted snack butler to prevent questionable dietary choices—because loves sometimes means being faster with the treat pouch than he is with temptation.
Learning that love sometimes means restraint—offering scratches only when invited, withholding kisses even when you miss them, and finding new ways to connect that feel safe for him and soothing for you.
🌟 And for Recognizing That:
When your mental health suffers, he feels it.
When you care for yourself, he settles.
And when you choose to celebrate rather than criticize yourself, you model the very safety and love that Charlie needs most.
🐾 Therefore, Be It Known That:
You, Lara, and your husband are hereby declared
Dog Parents of the Year —
for exceptional bravery in the face of barking, growling, bolting, lunging, and vet bills;
for your radical compassion;
and for proving that love that learns is love that heals.
Presented with admiration, gratitude, and respect—
Because you keep showing up.
Because you and Charlie are still growing.
❤️🏆❤️
When we go for walks, we carry ALL the things. Our mission is that we are safe, we are respectful, we are a team. Waterand kibble (as well as the occasional “nervous dog” shirt) help us to be safe. Brushes and poop bags help us to clean up after ourselves, which is respectful. My original rules were to show up as “safe, respectful, and friendly” but I have decided that friendly is actually not what I am going for. In our world, friendly can lead to unsafe and disrespectful, so that’s out the window. If we are safe and respectful, friendly is just not high on my priority list. I DO want to be present to be able to enjoy the walk, and a team so that I don’t get knocked over. Also note the earrings that make me feel sparkly and beautiful, and my necklace that says “self compassion” which is really what this whole thing is about.
