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Celebrating Joy and Connection: A Heartwarming Father-Son Moment to Make You Smile

My words this year are celebration, self compassion, and guts. And this week in particular I’m working on savoring the celebrations. That has just brought to mind a lot of fun stuff. One of them is this video of a father and son watching TV together and talking about what they see. This video just makes me smile. It’s a celebration of fathers. It’s a celebration of parents. It’s amazing communication. And it just brings a smile to my face every time I watch it. I hope it does that for you, too. Go check it out for a good smile.

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For another opportunity to smile, check out my Valentine’s Day treat! Even when it isn’t Valentine’s Day, this makes my heart happy!

Songs for joy and growth mindset

Today I just wanted to share some of my favorite songs for joy and growth mindset, just for fun!

Dancing

Move In the Right Direction by Gossip

What If It All Goes Right by Amy Scruggs

What I Am by Will.I.Am (with Sesame Street)

Don’t Give Up by Bruno Mars (with Sesame Street)

Dancing Is Easy by Jason Derulo with Sesame Street

Try Everything by Shakira from Zootopia

Check out music by Mama Nous on her website or Mama Nous on YouTube and Fyutch & Aura V.

Also, David Kisor has a lot of great social emotional songs that I use again and again.


Also, check out these playlists on Apple Music:

  • Coregulation: low and slow, positive music that calms me and my dog, Charlie

  • Self compassion music (explicit version)

  • Self compassion music (toddler safer). Keep in mind that different parents have different expectations and values around what is toddler safe. If there’s a song that offends you, skip it. But the goal is self compassion!

Hoy quiero compartir algunas de mis canciones favoritas para gozar y para la mentalidad de crecimiento, solamente para divertirnos:

Soy Yo por Bomba Estéreo

Mi Pequeño Tesoro por Presuntos Implicados (para padres y madres)

Noto que mi lista en español está corta. ¿Qué canciones sabe usted que ayudan con la mentalidad de crecimiento?

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Other posts about joy

One of my "Why's": The Piña Colada song

One of my "Why's": The Piña Colada song

When I think about songs that remind me of why I do what I do, one of the top songs that comes to mind is “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes. It’s an oldie but a goodie. :)

If you haven’t heard it in a while, click on the link above and give it a listen. Then come back and check out why this song is so important to me. And I bet that you’ll be singing along as you read, just like I am doing as I write!

My Name Isn’t Laura: What Mistakes Can Teach Us

My Name Isn’t Laura: What Mistakes Can Teach Us

A couple of days ago, I created a “Welcome to Little Elf Family Services” video. I thought it turned out decently well, and I posted it. I watched part of the captions and changed the spelling of “mountain cur” but only realized after I had posted the automated captions that they misspelled my name.

My name is Lara. It isn’t Laura. It’s like the state in Venezuela, like Superman’s mother, like Lara Croft, or Lara in the movie Dr. Zhivago (which is where it really comes from, although I honestly don’t know the story all that well).

So that got me thinking about mistakes. Mistakes are hard. They are challenging. And the way that we handle them matters.

My favorite play dough recipe

My favorite play dough recipe

Just wanted to share my favorite play dough recipe that I’ve used over the years. The recipe was given to me by a colleague years ago, and I love knowing exactly what’s in the play dough and being able to easily make more. If you’re careful with the temperature, you can get the kids to help make it!

Looking at the recipe now, if I thought my kid was going to eat it (because let’s face it, LOTS of kids do), I would experiment with using a better oil (like extra virgin olive oil or avocado oil) and natural food colorings (here’s a post about how to make your own).

One side note: fine motor activities such as play dough can be great activities for children to do to help them to be still long enough for them to fall asleep. There is always the potential that the dough could be messy. But like I say, the great thing about a homemade recipe is that you know exactly what’s in it, and it’s relatively easy to make more.

Newborn Play

Newborn Play

Do you have a newborn baby at home? Sometimes it can be hard to know what to do with a newborn baby when they're actually awake. First off, that can be rare. (Find this video on Placer Birth Connection’s Instagram page).

Some of the first things we're focusing on with babies, of course is learning to eat and sleep. 

Trust

The number one goal in the first two to three months is to build trust by being responsive, by meeting our baby's needs, and by getting to know them. And even building trust with ourselves that it's okay to be wherever we are. Our goal is to love our baby, take care of our baby, but it's okay to be a first time parent. If you're a first time parent, it's okay to be a first time parent. It’s okay if it doesn’t feel totally natural yet.  Let's embrace being first time parents, but also it's awesome to ask for help and get support. This is a vulnerable time of life, and we all need support at this time.  We all need help, and there are tons of strategies that we can use that can make life better. 

Tummy Time

After trust, our next goal is tummy time. Why do we need tummy time?  The back to sleep campaign for safe sleep tells us that babies are the safest when they sleep Alone on their Backs, in a Crib (ABC).  So they’re on their backs when they’re sleeping.  They’re on their backs in a car seat.  They’re on their backs a lot.  So their muscles can get uneven because they’re constantly pulling against gravity from their back, and they need practice and repetition to pull up using the opposite muscles in their backs.  So in tummy time we are giving them time on their stomachs when they are awake so that they are strengthening their back and neck muscles.  They can have tummy time on our chest or when we hold them facing out.  We want babies to get practice lifting their heads and pushing up against gravity on their tummies.  That’s going to help them prepare for crawling.

Rolling

Another great thing I learned recently that can help to prepare babies for crawling is that when we are doing diaper changes, we can roll the baby to one side; put the diaper under them; and roll them back.  That is good positioning for changing the diaper, and it also is giving them regular practice at rolling.  

Time for Play

When is a good time for play?  If our number one goal is to be responsive, and to build trust, and to teach the baby that she he or she is lovable, and safe, that the world is a safe place, and that they are lovable, then we want to choose times for play that are appropriate, right? So we want to choose times when the baby has already eaten is not hungry, and is not tired. And with little babies, that can be a real challenge. Because the wake window for a newborn baby, generally speaking, is that they're probably going to be tired about 45 minutes to an hour after they last woke up. And that includes time for feeding.  So in the early days, there's not going to be a whole lot of time when they're in that quiet alert state. 

The quiet alert state

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The quiet alert state is the time when all of us are most available for learning.  Even for a toddler, we want to teach before the tantrum and after the tantrum, but teaching in the middle of the tantrum is generally not going to be effective, because our brains are not really in gear when we’re in the middle of a tantrum.  Quiet alert is the time when we are not tired; we are not hungry; we are not fussing; we are not crying; we have good eye contact.  

Newborn vision

Newborn vision is at its best when the baby is about arm distance away from us, being held in our arms.  So it’s best to play with our faces about that distance from them.

Time Differences

We want to remember that a baby’s timeline is WAY slower than ours.  If you think about what time was like when you were a young child… I remember that summers as a child felt like they lasted forever.  And as we get older, time generally goes faster.  Summers seem to go by in the blink of an eye.  If we think about that when we are playing, that reminds us that we really have to slow down when we are playing with our baby.  Everything is new for them.  They are going to need a lot more repetition than we think they will.  We’re going to need to have a lot of patience.  One of our goals as new parents is to “ruthlessly eliminate hurry” (Dallas Willard).

3 early games: imitation, cause & effect, sound play

A) Imitation

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Imitation could be that we just stick our tongues out over and over and give lots of repetition and watch for the little attempts that the baby is probably going to do as they are watching us.  We can do simple face movements like raising our eyebrows or opening and closing our mouths.  Then when the baby starts to imitate us, we can make a big deal about it.  Even if the baby doesn’t know our words, they know when we are excited and that they did something that we got excited about!  We can imitate facial movements.  We can imitate the way that they move their fingers, their legs, their shoulders.  We can do something that is easy to imitate, or we can imitate something that they are doing.  

B) Cause & effect - trial & error

The idea of cause & effect is that we are an experimenter, testing out different ideas.  “If I do this, the baby does that.”  Similar is trial and error, where we try different causes and see what happens. Parenting is a process of trial and error, and babies use trial and error to figure out the world.  When we imitate the baby, we are teaching them about cause & effect, trial and error, body awareness.  They are learning so so may things.  When I work with families, I bring in a whole toolbox of ideas and a tips and tricks that we can try, and then we experiment to see which tools work best for each baby and each family.  

Another example of cause and effect is, under careful adult supervision, tie a ribbon around their arm or leg that attaches to a toy or a kitchen utensil that is attached to a mobile or a car seat handle or a play gym over their head.  Or we can find mittens that have rattles in them.  The idea is that the baby learns “when I move my arm or leg, I hear a sound” or “when I move my arm or leg, I see that thing move.”  

C) Sound play

The last strategy I’m going to talk about is sound play.  We can read rhyming books.  California First Five has their whole promotional series about Talk, Read, Sing.  And we can pick a sound of the day.  I would probably start with vowels.  You can sing any song without the words… just using that one vowel.  

Make it fun

One of my favorite quotes is that “The critical link between play and learning—the reason we repeat something and therefore learn from it—is pleasure” (Stamm & Spencer’s Bright from the Start).  The idea is that when we are having fun, we want to do it again.  When we do something over and over, the pathway in our brain gets stronger and we learn by repetition.  But it’s the pleasure and the fun that makes us WANT the repetition.  

Closing thoughts

With newborns, we are focusing on trust.  We are focusing on teaching them that they are lovable and worth responding to.  We want them to develop muscles evenly on both sides of the body by giving them intentional time on their tummies when they are awake and supervised.  We can use imitation, cause & effect, and sound play to teach babies important skills in a FUN way.